Are We a Right Fit?

One-on-One Coaching My clients change.  This is something I say often.  And it is true. The vast majority of my clients achieve success for themselves. This is because I only work with clients who I believe will succeed. If I sense up-front that someone isn’t right for my approach, I’d rather not take take their time or money.  Read below to find out if you and I were meant to be… My clients – Are looking for a short-term boost rather than a long-term solution. Want to passively have someone “fix them”. Are serious about getting their problem solved. Are ready to take responsibility for their lives and relationships. I look forward to working with you if – You are ready to do the work it takes to get your goal accomplished. You are ready to learn and change to achieve your outcome. You take responsibility for your decisions and actions. You want a natural, drug-free solution to your issue. A few other things you should know about me – Pricing:  The services I offer enable clients to make profound changes in their lives, usually very quickly.  I charge accordingly. Approach: All work is done with a tailored, one-on-one approach working with me directly.  There are no use of scripts, light/sound goggles or CDs.  In addition to weekly goal oriented solutions, working with me often involves coaching and tasks done outside of the office. Yes, I give “homework”.  Medication:  I cannot prescribe, nor am I a proponent of psychotropic drugs. That being said, I understand that they can be a short term buffer between “no longer” and “not yet”. ...

Thinking As a Way of Being

Those of us on the path of personal and spiritual growth have a tendency to analyze our unhappiness in order to find the causes and make improvements. But it is just as important, if not more so, to analyze our happiness. Since we have the ability to rise above and observe our emotions, we can recognize when we are feeling joyful and content. Then we can harness the power of the moment by savoring our feelings and taking time to be grateful for them. Recognition is the first step in creating change, therefore recognizing what it feels like to be happy is the first step toward sustaining happiness in our lives. We can examine how joy feels in our bodies and what thoughts run through our minds in times of bliss. Without diminishing its power, we can retrace our steps to discover what may have put us in this frame of mind, and then we can take note of the choices we’ve made while there. We might realize that we are generally more giving and forgiving when there’s a smile on our face, or that we are more likely to laugh off small annoyances and the actions of others when they don’t resonate with our light mood. Once we know what it feels like and can identify some of the triggers and are aware of our actions, we can recreate that happiness when we are feeling low. Knowing that like attracts like, we can pull ourselves out of a blue mood by focusing on joy. We might find that forcing ourselves to be giving and forgiving, even when it...

Diffusing Parent Conflict After Divorce

Increasingly in our family law court system we are seeing divorces that can be identified as “High Conflict”.  Entire careers, and hundred of thousands of dollars are being made by this phenomena, and whether you consider this wrong or right, one thing we can probably all agree on is that YOU do not want to be the less that 10% of  divorces that use 80% of the family court resources. If you are recently divorced and find your co-parenting relationship starting to deteriorate, it is important to stop divorce conflict before it goes too far. Here is my advice to you: 1. Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex. During divorce, and sometimes long after, parents are so consumed with their hurt and resentments that they retreat into survival mode. For some parents, survival mode equals attack mode. The idea that children are resilient enough to be immune is a myth. In my work with anxiety and trauma clients, I have adult clients of High Conflict divorce, who at age 20, 30 & 40 are still suffering the emotional damage caused them by having been witness to their parent’s anger towards one another. In adults this effect manifests itself as anxiety, depression, neurosis and chronic health issues. And this damage is not intentional. Minimizing one’s own behavior or blaming a children’s fragility occurs because the High Conflict parent must focus on their own survival. The unintentional damage that loving parents cause their children seems inevitable because these parents do not have the knowledge and practical skills to parent in a crisis. Throughout a difficult divorce, parents’ unbridled...

EMDR Therapy and Trauma

Trauma survivors often complain of recurring nightmares, sudden tearfulness, flashbacks, aversions to places or people and even somatic/physical discomforts. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), is a technology created about 20 years ago by Francine Shapiro, PhD. EMDR involves systematically bringing highly charged images/experiences to the conscious self without hypnosis where they can be rationally dealt with and resolved into normal memory. This process is rapid and is noted in psychology journals as the most effective treatment available for...

The One Thing Not to Lose Sight of When Getting Divorced

Divorce is a time of great transitions, losses and potentially, growth. Divorce is one of the hardest things you might go through in your lifetime and while you are in the midst of this “hardest time in your life” you might lose sight of one very important thing. You want to stay out of court. You do. Yes, you really do. Yes, I understand that you’re mad/hurt/betrayed/protecting yourself. But you still really, really want to stay put of court. Court is not a place for families. It is a place for lawyers. It is a place for individuals who have been trained and socially encouraged to make up a paycheck by manipulaing a body of rules and formulas that have nothing to do with you and your family. Court is a place where strangers throw phrases around such as, “in the best interest of the children” to justify bankrupting your children’s parents (yes, that’s you) and all in the name of the law. If that sounds harsh, it’s because it is. Court is the worst thing that could happen to a healthy family. Is there a time and place where court and litigation is necessary? Absolutely. I will write more about that in a future post. For now, know that the great majority of divorce cases can and should be settled out of court, mediated, or refer to collaborative divorce. I get it, you are mad. And yes, your ex is a so and so. And yes, the children would be better off at this school or that school or ??? And no, you can’t agree on a custody...